How to Save a Life
by ZombiesBeforeBedtime
Summary: 'Fullmetal,' Roy's voice is faltering. 'If you leave now, don't come back.'


'I think this one will work,' Edward tells him at 3 AM one morning, crouching on the bed like some sort of cat, wild-eyed and exhausted. Roy takes a moment to observe him. There are dark circles under his eyes, his skin has turned a sickly pale, and he's so thin that Roy can fit his hand around Edward's upper arm.

He's destroying himself, Roy thinks, heaving a deep sigh. There are papers scattered across the bed – theories, sketches of arrays and god-knows-what else. Edward is talking a million miles a minute, but Roy isn't listening.

During their battle against Father on the Promised Day, Alphonse sacrificed himself in order for Edward to regain the use of his limbs. He remembers hearing Edward's screaming when he wasn't able to bring Alphonse back. He remembers wishing he could see, each sound like a knife in his chest.

Losing Alphonse destroyed him. Roy wishes he could do something – anything – but Edward has forgotten him in his quest for his brother. It's been almost give years, and no one can hide their pity anymore. It's heart breaking to see the Hero of the People fall so far. Staring at him now, Roy knows he has to do something.

'Edward,' he says softly. Edward is still talking, and it goes unheard. Roy tries again, louder this time. 'Edward.'

'What?' he's annoyed at the interruption, but Roy doesn't care. This has gone on for far too long. He take Edward's hands in his own, still in awe of the fact that he's able to caress two flesh hands instead of one. He stares down at Edward's hands, remembering a time when they were happy and in love – a time when Alphonse was still here. It feels like five hundred lifetimes ago; a distant memory that he's clinging to, even though he knows Edward has left him behind. Suddenly, he feels very old and very, very tired.

'This needs to stop,' Roy says, and he can feel it all bubbling to the surface – the grief for Edward's loss and the loneliness he's been choking down for five years now. He feels his eyes sting, and he clamps down on the emotions. He won't cry. Not here. Not now.

'… Huh?' Edward looks at him, not understanding. Roy fights the urge to yell. Instead, he motions at all the research notes on their bed.

'This,' he says. 'This needs to stop.'

Edward stares at him for a long moment, eyes almost luminous in the dark. When he speaks, it is slow and clear, as if speaking to a slow child. 'Roy, I'm trying to save my brother. him? I can't just –'

'Al's dead,' Roy cuts in, ignoring the way Edward flinches and withdraws his hands from Roy's grip. He continues, ruthlessly. 'Alphonse is dead, Edward. It's been five years. He's gone and there's nothing you can do about that. I know you want him back – a lot of us do. You're not the only one who's suffering. But this… this isn't healthy.' His voice softens. 'Please, Edward… you need to give up.'

He falls silent, heart aching as Edward stares at him with something akin to betrayal, but Roy can't take it back. He won't. He refuses to watch Edward do this to himself anymore. Edward pens his mouth, and then shuts it. Slowly, he gathers the papers together. Roy notices he's shaking.

'You don't get it,' there's a barely controlled rage in Edward's voice. 'No one does. I have to get Al back. He's all I've got!'

'You've got me,' Roy says quietly, and Edward's words die in his throat. He watches Roy carefully, and he thinks that maybe Edward is seeing him properly for the first time in five years. Maybe Edward is realising how much Roy has done for him – all the times he's cleaned up after failed arrays. All the times he's dried Edward's tears and nursed him back to health, always on the side lines of the project, carefully watching. Guarding Edward, almost. Maybe Edward finally sees how Roy has been here for him, unwaveringly faithful – even when everyone else has abandoned him. Even when everyone else can't bear to see what he's become. Roy thinks that maybe he's won.

Edward breaks the eye contact and looks down at the papers he's holding. When he speaks, his voice is empty, and Roy's heart shatters because he knows he's lost. 'No, I don't.'

Edward stands and heads for the door. Roy is desperate to stop him, because if the alchemist leaves now he knows that the next time he'll see him is in the morgue. Without thinking, he blurts out, 'Fullmetal.'

He stiffens, and Roy guesses that he's remembering how much he hated that tone of voice, back when they were still colonel and subordinate.

'Fullmetal,' Roy's voice is faltering, but he pushes on, unsure of what he's saying. 'If you leave now, don't come back.'

There's a moment of mournful silence as Flame and Fullmetal stare at each other for one last time, and then the door slams shut.


End file.
